Thursday, June 10, 2010
Calgon, take me away!
So, yeah, remember that whole idea about choosing to be happy. Well, I'm failing miserably today. I don't even entirely know what my problem is, but I do know I'm ridiculously overwhelmed and I just need a break. I want so badly to just walk away right now. I want to go on a vacation! Somewhere fun, with a beach. I know I've been saying this for years, but always say I'll go next year (in hopes that I would look decent in a bikini again, lol) Well, I'm coming to the conclusion that the older I get, and have now surpassed 30 and have had a child, it will never happen, so I might as well just suck it up and go. I want to take Devin to the beach and go to Disneyland and Sea World and amusement parks and fairs and carnivals, I want him to be involved in sports and activities and have fun during the summer! I want him to get to do all the fun stuff that I never got to do when I was a kid :( I feel horrible that, as of now, I'm failing as a parent in that respect, and well, pretty much daily I feel like I'm failing in many other areas as well. I MUST change this! I'm not sure how right now considering my time constraints and monetary situation, but I have to do *something* Maybe the Aquarium this summer? Baby steps, right?
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I choose to be positive and happy and make the best of the given situation!
Welcome to summer! I used to always hate summer. When I was much younger I would find myself being extremely bored during the summer. I know, I know, what the hell was wrong with me? I wish I had those years of youth back and I could get involved in some of the activities I always wanted to be involved in, but I found to be too intimidating. If only I knew then what I know now...
Up until recently, I hated the heat which of course always made me uncomfortable because I am admitedly way over-self-conscious about the way I look and therefore would dress like it was 9* instead of 90* I always longed for the cooler days of fall to quickly arrive. However, it seems the older I get, the more I really enjoy the summer days. Still though, my favorite part of summer is the cool morning air before it gets really hot out and the cool evenings lounging in a lawn chair while making s'mores and having good conversation with good friends/family. Or hanging out on the patio of a good restaurant/bar sharing experiences with said friends. Some of my best memories were from a few summers ago. Oh how I loved those times. But, times have changed. Some for the good, some for the bad.
Sadly, it does not appear that this summer will allow much time for rekindling those times. I have way over extended myself for the summer, but unfortunately without just throwing my hands up in the air and walking away from everything completely, there doesn't appear to be any easy way to lighten my load. The 2 classes I am taking this semester, at first glance, appear to be way involved and quite time consuming. It seems like there are assignments and discussion board postings and quizes and tests and labs and lectures due daily. Right now, I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to manage it all, but somehow I have to. So, at this point, my plan is to push forward, grin and hope for the best! I choose to be positive and happy and make the best of the given situation! This is going to be my new motto I say everyday as I wake and fight with myself to get out of bed and manage through the Jillian Michaels workout each morning at 4:30am. I wonder how long I can manage to complete this motto with a smile on my face. Any bets?
However, as busy as it may be, it is still summer and summer is for the kids, right? So, I am hoping to sneak in a few fun outings with the little one. Even if that means taking a day or two off of work to do it. I'm thinking maybe the zoo, the water park, museum, maybe a picnic at the park and lots of pool time! Life is too short not to. I've been way too wrapped up in daily life to enjoy the little things. I have to start allowing myself to relax a little and have fun. I feel like I have to constantly remind myself of this. Sometimes I feel like my dreams and the goals that I set for myself over-ride what is really important. Yes, I absolutely want to accomplish the goals I've set and I will, come hell or high water, I WILL finish through this, I want to be able to look back and say that I absolutely do not have any regrets through this situation. Although I know certain people keep trying to tell me this, I just don't want to go too far to the other side as I previously did, letting everything slip through the cracks. Picking up the pieces years later is much more difficult than trying to keep them at least somewhat in place the first time. I want to be able to look back and at least feel like I was able to balance it all and have my son look up to me and be proud of me and what I have accomplished. That is my biggest goal in life right now. I want to make my son proud to say that *I* am his Mom.
Up until recently, I hated the heat which of course always made me uncomfortable because I am admitedly way over-self-conscious about the way I look and therefore would dress like it was 9* instead of 90* I always longed for the cooler days of fall to quickly arrive. However, it seems the older I get, the more I really enjoy the summer days. Still though, my favorite part of summer is the cool morning air before it gets really hot out and the cool evenings lounging in a lawn chair while making s'mores and having good conversation with good friends/family. Or hanging out on the patio of a good restaurant/bar sharing experiences with said friends. Some of my best memories were from a few summers ago. Oh how I loved those times. But, times have changed. Some for the good, some for the bad.
Sadly, it does not appear that this summer will allow much time for rekindling those times. I have way over extended myself for the summer, but unfortunately without just throwing my hands up in the air and walking away from everything completely, there doesn't appear to be any easy way to lighten my load. The 2 classes I am taking this semester, at first glance, appear to be way involved and quite time consuming. It seems like there are assignments and discussion board postings and quizes and tests and labs and lectures due daily. Right now, I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to manage it all, but somehow I have to. So, at this point, my plan is to push forward, grin and hope for the best! I choose to be positive and happy and make the best of the given situation! This is going to be my new motto I say everyday as I wake and fight with myself to get out of bed and manage through the Jillian Michaels workout each morning at 4:30am. I wonder how long I can manage to complete this motto with a smile on my face. Any bets?
However, as busy as it may be, it is still summer and summer is for the kids, right? So, I am hoping to sneak in a few fun outings with the little one. Even if that means taking a day or two off of work to do it. I'm thinking maybe the zoo, the water park, museum, maybe a picnic at the park and lots of pool time! Life is too short not to. I've been way too wrapped up in daily life to enjoy the little things. I have to start allowing myself to relax a little and have fun. I feel like I have to constantly remind myself of this. Sometimes I feel like my dreams and the goals that I set for myself over-ride what is really important. Yes, I absolutely want to accomplish the goals I've set and I will, come hell or high water, I WILL finish through this, I want to be able to look back and say that I absolutely do not have any regrets through this situation. Although I know certain people keep trying to tell me this, I just don't want to go too far to the other side as I previously did, letting everything slip through the cracks. Picking up the pieces years later is much more difficult than trying to keep them at least somewhat in place the first time. I want to be able to look back and at least feel like I was able to balance it all and have my son look up to me and be proud of me and what I have accomplished. That is my biggest goal in life right now. I want to make my son proud to say that *I* am his Mom.
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